Sometimes I wonder...

Summary of an article in a Swedish newspaper - Metro Stockholm (17/8)

A local, right wing politician is horrified by the way young people have a tendency to have "fuck buddies" and also to have sexual relations with a larger number of partners. She means that this irresponsible behaviour must be stopped - not the least to stop the spreading of STD's among young people - and has now made a political proposal to stop them having unprotected sex. She says that it's the social climate that has led young people to behave like this and then she adds that she doesn't want to moralize, but that she feels sorry for the boys and girls who live like this.

Now, how should one interpret this?

I agree that something has to be done about the spreading of STD's, but blaming it on people having "fuck-buddies" seems somewhat strange. Especially since the number of people having one-night-stands have increased dramatically over the past few years.

The politician definitiely has a point when she indicates that the social climate have lead to the increase of sexual relations outside of relationships and to young people having a larger number of sexual partners (not necessarily simultanously, though).

I can also agree that you should feel sorry for some of the people leading this kind of life. At least if they feel like they have to because "everyone else is doing it".

But shouldn't you try to find the root of this behaviour instead of treating the symptoms? Let me explain:

I think we can all agree that the social climate has changed.

People are, on average, spending a larger numbers of years studying. This means that they hit the job market a lot later. But even 15 years of academia doesn't necessarily mean you get a job since the companies aren't just asking for theoretical knowledge - they would also like the applicant to have "relevant job experience". But if you've been studying for many years and (like most students) taken any low wage job you can get to help finance your studies it is near right impossible for most people to have "relevant" job experience.

Studying a lot longer doesn't just mean that you hit the job market later. It also means that you "make a carrier" later and that you live at home with your parents a lot longer since you can't actually afford to move away from home. (This is especially true in the big cities where the housing situation is near right hopeless for everyone who's not a millionaire).

In turn, this means that you postpone the whole part about making a family since you really can't find the time to find "mr/mrs right" when you have to study and make a carrier before you can find the time to have a personal life.

And when you finally get to have a personal life you'd probably want to travel a bit and see the world before settling down.

So, when it's finally time to find someone you're in your 40's and you realise that maybe it's actually quite comfortable being single since it's difficult to incorporate someone else into your life when you finally - after so many years of struggle - have managed to make one for yourself.

But the thing is - just because you're not in a relationship it doesn't mean your libido ups and dies!

And I, for one, think it makes a lot more sense to "fuck" buddies than complete strangers...

Besides - you have someone to talk to afterwards...

And furthermore - this is something that definitely works for a lot of people. Having someone to hang out with and maybe have sex with when the mood strikes without having to spend a lot of time and energy making empty promises. There's an honesty and a directness about this that I find most refreshing:

YES, we enjoy each others company
YES, we have sex
NO, we do not delude ourselves thinking we'll spend the rest of our lives together

And for some this whole "fuck buddy"-system can be a way to rebel against the establishment that still seems to think that "mommy, daddy, daugher and son" is the ideal.

Now, don't get me wrong. I do not condone irresponsibility.

I still belive in the family - even though I belive that what constitutes a family needs to be redefined.

I still believe that some people can actually "live happily ever after".

But I also believe that if you want to stop people from "buddy-fucking" you have to restructure the society and create a society where you don't have to struggle so hard to live and not just "get by". It's not enough that you, as a politican, is horrified by what you see and because of that help create a whole new set of rules to control peoples lives ever more...

Oh, well... *sighs* Sometimes I wonder...